Thursday, December 17, 2009

I still motivated, here the rest of the story: Final Chapter 4

After lots struggling, In July 2009 I reach again the financially rock bottom for who knows how many times I did, I broke my promise to myself and comeback to the only job was open for me. Those friends at the nightclub they welcome me again with open arms, they become almost like my family. I was concern after long time about my reaction with the patron’s behavior; I start having my dark flash back.

Funny, my good friend Giorgos the head of security told me “Zak, not worry we have different clientele now, they are not the same people you use to deal with” well I toke a deep breath, I don’t know why, but I want to believed him. The first few nights I worked without my usual gears; the bulletproof vest, my two daggers and an old suit jacket, I got it to several fights again and one time I need it to deal with about twelve people at the same time, lucky me, I don’t know how did survive that night, but I did.
The next week I came back with all my gear and sad “seams like the old me is back” but this time I did try hard to keep my old anger in control. Every night I kept telling myself to forgive and forget anyone I was going to encounter at the club to not ruin my spirit, and stay focus on thinking how to sale my film.

Now I have a completed film in my hands and I’m one step closer to make something happen for my career, but for some other reason something was going to pull me back in to an old habit. I start accepting my situation and manage way better all my personal issues, I was going to work in good spirit on a place I was usually call it “hell” which by the way I don’t believe in hell, but that’s I thought how bad was for me working there. I never thought to use in my life the word “hate” as I realize I was using it on the adult human kind, when ironically I’m human as well, I thought I need to get my mind together. One thing I know very well, always from my young age I was the robin hood of the 19th century, I saved, rescued who ever needed the help. I have an enormous love and respect for animals, till at point to crying for them then the anger might kicks in if someone did something wrong to them. Many times, I can’t even kill an ant in my house actually, I try diverting their path and making them goes away.

I realize I was pushing way to hard to make my dream come true, develop an excessive attachment when sometime we really need to step back a little, seat down and watch the scene behind the camera to see what we supposed to do next, means stop and take a deep breath and things will happen. I was thinking to do something like that and go far away from my dream, find a desolate place to regenerate and come back the way I use to be; creative, energetic, positive full of dream than comeback and using my experiences to regain and leave my life peaceful with my self. I kept working at the club, I need it the money and trying to do some meditation and some other little work on the site and eventually quit again, but I didn’t find that strength to make that decision.

On October 18 in a very stupid way not even for a fight, I rupture my Achilles’ tendon, having a surgery and not able to go back to work. My very first thought was “great now what? I don’t have insurance and I’m broke, how can I fix and recover from this?” After the shock from the pain about a minute later I had a weird breakthrough, I toke a deep breath, as I excel I felt I release all my heavy baggage’s I was carry on my shoulder for so many years, I felt free again the same feeling of freedom when I was a child. I told to my friend was take me home because I wasn’t able to drive my car “You know buddy, this is happening for a good reason, and can be only for good” he sad “are you sure?”

When I was at the ER I was so grateful and relieved this accident happen to me, but I did not why. Finally I was happy to seat down and take that break I suppose to have, well I wasn’t able to make that decision on my own, and I believed mother nature did it for my own good before was going to get any worst. How about the health insurance I didn’t have? I was very grateful to be eligible to get a workman’s comp from the company, co-workers and friends really helped a lot and always I will be grateful of how they take care of me. Believe in luck? I don’t know, but for the first time in my life, I saw friends really care about me, I appreciate and I’ll never forget. Now, not even I can’t comeback to work on a job I really don’t like to do or is not beneficial to my spirit, but I’m home recovering making just 1k a month barely I pay rent and not attending any audition, or possible films gigs. Therefore, I’m stock home at list for the next five month before I will be able to jump and kick again and trying reinventing myself.

I really believe mother nature had a limit with me and trying help me through this accident, so I start working on my personal issue try improving my life in happiness, health and wealth or what ever I was doing wrong. Till this time December 2009 I didn’t fond yet any distribution for my film Rules able to give me some advance money, I’m trying working to sale my film from home, lots of talking and waiting for people they never give any courtesy response. To day is two month after the accident, I’m still broke and recovering from the surgery, I walk a little with the boot, I feel my foot get better everyday and I know I can rely on my physical condition. Now I need to deal with a blood clot my doctor just find out a few days ago, I don’t like taking any medicine they might help the cause but they must probably will kill the immune system, we see what happen.

In the past of twenty five years I never got seek, had medicine or visit any doctors, my health is my temple and is more valuable that success or money. We can buy success or become rich, but we can’t buy a pure health, still I don’t have health insurance because I can’t afford, instead I consider my health insurance is the prevention with healthy genuine nutrition like Mother Nature give to us, and with a serious exercise. Anyway, I hope all the work I’m doing from home will help to sale my film Rules online, because ones I will be back on my feet I do not want to come back work for the nightclub anymore. Instead I’m looking for at list to reconnect with the stunt community and those old stunts friends I had in the past and get some work, I hope they can hear me I want to work in a industry I love and always I will.

I love the people I was working at the club, but as I know well the security job is not good for me. As today, I still believe the best and maybe the only solution for me is to sale Rules on the internet, sale it on my own and hope some one out there will support this very independent action, thriller film inspired by my true story. In conclusion, I’m training myself to listen more than ever my intuition and find the way out from this tornado I lived for so many years. I hope some one-will enjoying watching my film and understand the message I’m trying to send out there. Thanks for spending the time who ever is reading this long story; please all of you wish me the best.

I will be post more interesting details on some episode and obstacle I’m going and have being trough, I promise they will be short than this, so be in touch and if you have any comment we can discuss please do so.


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